Just to show how we change a little every morning, when myspace first started I was uninterested, then addicted and now I could not be more bored and annoyed with it.
How in the world did I get drawn into this place. A place of restlessness, hopelessness, humbleness, and blah blah blah. I will go on but I am not talking about myspace, in fact I am not talking at all. I am thinking then pressing buttons and displaying my brain, as the runny scrambled eggs they are, as words with which I will never be able to effectively use. As a disclaimer to all who ever read anything of mine, I am a horrible writer and I appologize for the incomplete sentences, run on sentences, lack of capitalization, lack of punctuation where needed, extra punctuation, misspelled words, and just lack of imagination. I would like to not be disabled in this manner yet I don't yet care enough to do anything about it. This makes me a democrat who wants something but will give nothing to attain it, jk, not really, kinda. Ok got off subject a little bit. Well maybe there isn't a subject, nope there is not. So what is on my mind right now, the fareaking MCAT. What does that stand for "My Caucasian A** is Toast" Ok I appologize for that one but I can't think of anything besides ankle and it just doesn't work the same. In eight hours and 29 minutes I will begin the one test that can determine what happens to my life. If I blow it then I may not go to med school at all, but depending on how I do this test may determine where I go in a year or so, what I do when I get there, who I meet there, and how I can be used by God. So does this test have some importance it sure does. I have done a lot to get ready but by no means did I do as much as I could or enough. So what do I do, I pray that God has put everything in my brain that needs to be there so that I will go on his path. I have been a christian for years and I have been a good one in an external sense. My heart has been given but not wholely so it has not been given at all. I do love my Lord and am so thankful for everything. I have tried to give Him all that I have doing all that I can for Him. But this is not what He wants. He want my life, the whole thing. I knew this when I was 13 so why the wait. Who knows, I may have been fooling myself into thinking that I gave myself up. Maybe I did give all that He expected from me. But I have changed and grown in the recent past and now there is a new me. So I pray that He takes me away for that is what I want, His will. I am a screw up and a sinner, I know that nobody is perfect and I just support this. But it gives me no reason to continue on in my sin. Therefore I repent, and TRY stop. Ok it is time for bed, thank you to everyone of my friends who has helped make me who I am today. For those of you who believe I am greatful for you, and for the others (you know who you are) I pray for you. Some were called and some were not, this to me is the saddest part of the Bible. I wish that part of the Bible is false but it is not so. What does the morning hold I do not know.
(4.21.06)
Word of the day..........
Word for today- Omphaloskepsis-contemplation of ones navel as an aid in meditation. Well I can safely say that I have not used my belly button during yoga in a while. But when I do o man is it good stuff. No but really how does that work do you like sit down and put something to drink in your belly button (considering your an "innie") then use a long straw to drink it? Body shots right? I know some people who use those for a type of meditation. Thinking of navels if you want to put on some weight just break a leg and then herniate a lumbar disk. Then all you have to do is let them work their magic; you will be tippin the scales in no time. Moving on I have missed my sister for a long time now and it makes me very happy to have her living near me again and our relationship getting better. If you read this Amy know that I love you and I am proud of you. To everyone else I hope you and your siblings get along because it is a great thing to have. It is wierd how some people are close to their family while others are not. I see my cousins who live in Michigan as much as I do the ones who live in west Odessa. Just supports how crazy and stupid we all are.
How do some people do nothing with their time and life? For several years I have had a goal and it gives me something to do when I wake up every day and until here lately I never realized how great of a thing that is. I know that God does not always tell us what he has planned but asks us to trust him and just follow him in a direction at this moment. I am a person who likes to know what is going to happen and I like to spend time on getting there. But maybe the destination is not the goal but rather the trip there. I am greatful to God that he has showed me part of a plan but it is not His will that everyone know right when they get out of school what they are going to do with their life. When we are at a point like this it is important to trust God and to listen for His direction. As I have been going crazy being trapped I have had plenty of time to think and blah blah blah but I have realized that God made me a certain way so that I will be able to do what He wants me to. My personality, body, attitude toward things, interests, abilities were all given to me for a reason. Ok well I have bored myself so I will go to sleep now.
(6.14.06)
Have you ever had one of those days where everything goes perfectly? When you open your eyes in the morning and you instantly feel ready to go, no sleepy eyes or tired brains/muscles. Then you go through the day and your favorite song is the first thing you hear once you get in the car. The weather outside is nice and everything just flows all day long. Well Friday was not one of those days for me. Turns out that two screws wasn't enough to hold my bones together so I get to go through hell again right before my last semester starts. OOO JOY!!!! This time it shouldn't be as deep a level of hell, but it is still hell. I have had other knee surgeries before and this kind really sucks. After this you go into depression b/c all you feel is pain , even though you can't remember your name cuz of the drugs, and you stay inside the house for a couple of weeks and start to miss the sun. When you try to do anything you canÃ?t concentrate and fall asleep but when it is night time you can't go to sleep. It takes a number of weeks to walk again. I have been praying that this time I won't have as much trouble b/c the bone has already been sawed off and they are just moving it and securing it down better so that it doesnÃ?t move. I start school soon after the surgery so I will at least have something to do. Why is it that we go through this crap? I know this, one day when I have patients suffering I WILL be able to empathize with them. I just don't want to deal with this my whole life, I want to be able to run and play and ride my road bike again. So for those of you who will, please pray for my knee and my sanity? OK sorry I had to whine so much but that is how things go so much. Maybe you could bring me some food when you come over to tell me to shut up and stop being a baby, hmmm just a thought. Want to know the best part of rainy days, besides the rain if you are in the desert. Eventually the son gets through and you see some hope.
(8.12.06)
Wanna know something funny?
Who would have ever thought that myspace would be a verb? If you would have said "I was myspacin" two years ago it would have been stupid. But today it is ok to go to school and spend most of you time in computer lab (or work in some of your cases) myspacin. How sad is this, I am stinkin waiting for class to start and instead of studying all I can do is write a letter to nobody and name it a blog. Then hope that people read it and when they dont, kinda feel sad about it. ha. Somewhere I read that at UC San Diego that they blocked myspace b/c something like 60% of the internet use was on myspace. wow. our generation is unproductive. if we spent all this time doing something meaningful at all then think of all the work that could get done. anyway I will be on my way I have to go to the most boring class in the world, to bad I dont have even the slightest reason to skip or I would. Maybe the internet will eat itself someday and we will have to build a new one out of clay. I would definately skip class to go play with clay.
(10.27.06)
